


growing pains

by rineolus



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Science Fiction, Angst, F/F, F/M, Gen, LOTS OF SPOILERS, Multi, Other, Romance, Tragic Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-18
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-15 16:49:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8064289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rineolus/pseuds/rineolus
Summary: He kept telling himself that she was a mistake, yet his heart did nothing but create a turmoil in his chest because clearly, he was already irrevocably captivated by her. In which Seven gets chances to re-do his life and gets a happy ending for everybody but himself.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> [growing pains - super junior d&e](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCKot6V57Lo)
> 
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> The first few chapters will also be heavily reliant and probably a little too close to the game plot so **SPOILER ALERT** if you have not played Seven's route. This story's progress is going to be extra slow especially in the early chapters and the updates may be as equally as slow. I just got back into writing after a loooooong break and I will apologize now so I wouldn't have to later for errors and inconsistencies. ♥

Luciel had never really believed in happy endings – for him at least. He had never really thought of having even just a tad bit of normalcy – getting married, having a family or hell, even getting a cat – in life. He even remembered telling his friends one time that he had no plans on living a long life, therefore potato chips and carbonated drinks had been his constant lifeline. He actually thought that was quite ironic because both were very similar to him – fun but toxic. He would even scratch the _fun_ part because who was he to even use such a beautiful word to describe himself? He was just, Agent 707, a cockroach in the society, hiding beneath the ground, rotting away along with all the dirt infused within him.

He was born in filth and was planning on dying in filth.

He had been playing this game all his life and had calculated every step he had taken. He was a genius anyway – at least that was what they had told him. Every single variable in his life had been laid out perfectly in his brain and every single one of them were supposed be temporary. Everything was supposed to stay in place as he stealthy disappear into nothingness.

Everything was going according to his plans until another unexpected variable came crashing down on him, blowing up every single detail of his game he thought he had mastered, on her way into Luciel’s heart.

He wasn’t supposed to believe in happy endings but how come whenever he looks at _her_ he could somehow see a future he had never even thought of dreaming of before? How come whenever he hears _her_ voice he thought maybe, just maybe, he could perhaps live a longer and better life filled with nothing but normalcy. Perhaps even get that cat he had always wanted.

Reality, on the other hand, was never really one of his closest friends as it would often drag him, kicking and screaming, back down to the filth where he was born, the filth where he belongs.

Their love was forbidden, deplorable and extremely unfortunate and he would laugh so hard, really he would, because it feels so cliché to say that it all started with a simple _hello._

 

 

> … _has entered the chatroom._                 
>  _Jumin Han: Why is there a stranger in our chatroom?_  
>  Jaehee Kang: No one can enter this chatroom without installing the private app we use …  
>  Yoosung _★: I thought Seven only let us download it?_  
>  ZEN: Maybe somebody downloaded it in two phones?  
>  707: Maybe?  
>  Jumin Han: Who downloaded it twice?  
>  Yoosung _★: Not me!_  
>  …: Hello …

Luciel lied. That first hello was not simple. Nothing in his life was. Nothing still is and nothing will ever be. God Seven would be oh so proud because his prediction was, once again, nothing but right. Luciel would argue otherwise yet the way his breath hitched and his heart skipped as soon he _tabbed_ over a window labeled _RFA CCTV_ , would just vehemently invalidate his row.

Luciel discerned this whole thing was ridiculous – imagining his two facades, the two other versions of himself, argue about a stranger who just randomly popped up in his life. Because, really, he was the only one that could blatantly deliberate what he was feeling.

Luciel thought, believed, that he did not deserve to feel like that. He was just a cockroach. An unknown poison to society. Nothing more. Nothing less. And he made sure that it was known by _her._

 

> _707: My nickname’s 707.  
>  707: Real name is a secret.           
>  707: Just remember me as the 22yr old hacker lol_

“I don’t deserve to be known by you anyway.” He mumbles as he drowned himself in another pretense that was the bubbly and strange _707_.

He may have accidentally said _she_ was cute. A mere slip of his fingers – he would say, yet the pink that tinted his cheeks may have meant differently. Though who cares? Truly? Somebody had hacked into the program he had created and that was more important his stupid unnecessary feelings.

Apparently he should because Jumin _Mr.TrustfundKid_ Han had just offered _her_ to join their organization and he thought perhaps, he should just disappear right then.

Everything would have just gone easier if Luciel, oh so stupid Luciel, did not get tempted to give _her_ a call. Actually, he should put the blame on Zen and Yoosung because they should not, they should never, brag about how beautiful _her_ voice sounded over the phone. Especially Zen for the words that man had spoken pierced through ’s ice cold heart. Zen should not be talking as if _she_ was his. Zen should not be calling _her_ pet names. Zen should not even mention _her_ name. Zen.should.just.not.

If you would ask Agent 707 why, he’d shrug it off and start talking about cats to weird you out and distract you from the subject. Luciel though, would look down at this fidgeting fingers and pretend like he wasn’t hurting because he just does not like _her_ like that – he should not like _her_ like that.

But _her_ voice, albeit just over the phone, was so divine that he couldn’t help but get addicted.

The next thing he knew, he was promising _her_ a wedding in space.

He chuckled as he thought about how ridiculous that was. He would chuckle his life away if he could because his mind would somehow turn into a mush of unfiltered words whenever he would talk to _her_. He would call her multiple times a day for reasons he couldn’t even figure where he got – from asking her if she has skipped any meals up to just simply pretending to be prank caller despite the fact that he knew that _she_ would just play along whilst he, oh so stupid Luciel, would just fall even harder.

He kept telling himself that _she_ was a mistake, yet his heart did nothing but create a turmoil in his chest because clearly, he was already irrevocably captivated by _her._

 

> _“Something really strange happened when I was calling you before … My hands were just pressing your number automatically … It was almost like a trance. I woke up when I heard the signal and thought about hanging up, but I’m glad I didn’t.”_
> 
> _He watched her looked up at the camera set on the corner of the hallway. She waved. His heart fluttered. He chewed his lips, trying his hardest not to draw a smile._
> 
> _“I just tried to remember your voice while working and I couldn’t. It was super weird since I have super good memory so I called you.”_

Luciel almost felt his lies cavort on his tongue and falter on his lips and he thought it was extremely ironic because there will never be a way that he would forget _her_ voice. He tapped his fingers on his desk – a habit he had formed whenever his heart would fly out of his chest as the sound of _her_ laugh reverberated through his heart. He couldn’t help but smile because he was listening to his favorite kind of music.

Agent 707 had just gotten into another argument with supervisor which, as per usual, ended up with him conning _Vanderwood,_ a.k.a. his maid, into cleaning his house. He might have felt the smallest tinge of guilt for he had not really been the _employee of the month_ type in the past few days. He had been overly distracted and been delaying his work a lot.  He tried, he really did yet his mind somehow had just kept wandering towards the screen to his right – which he had set for the sole purpose of monitoring the CCTV camera in Rika’s apartment.

He would reason the screen existed solely for _her_ protection.

Luciel would just smile as he watched _her_ struggle between keeping _her_ grocery bags and phone in hand while trying to type in the passcode to the door.  He even thought he was going to break his face when _she_ still found the energy to look up at the camera and wave. Too freaking adorable. He thought his heart was going to explode.

But sometimes, _she_ would get awfully close and push Luciel into the brink of insanity.

 

> _…: I want to know more about you, Seven._  
>  707: You’ll get hurt if you do!!!  
>  707: 707 is supposed to just laugh things off and make fun of everything.  
>  …: Why are you being sad…? Seven, you can have anything you want!!  
>  707: lololol I really hope that’s the case…  
>  …: Just let everything you … Be yourself.  
>  707: I don’t even know what I’m like anymore.  
>  707: I feel like … even I will forget who I was.  
>  707: I feel so weird that  
>  707: I wanna travel to the moon!  
>  707: On the moon 707: **I wouldn’t be a secret agent!**

“On the moon, I would marry you over and over again.” He sighed, eyes travelling towards the screen on his right, replaying his promise to wed _her_ in space. “Just like I promised.” He caressed _her_ frozen face on the screen. “On the moon, I would love you until eternity.”

 

> _…: Let’s go to the moon someday, haha._  
>  707: Will that day come? Haha  
>  707: I’d love that..  
>  707: **I’d love to go with you.**
> 
> _Don’t. Stop. You can’t do this Luciel._
> 
> _707: I guess I was weirder than usual today._  
>  707: I’ll get going.  
>  707: As long my engine is on,  
>  707: **I will protect you!**  
>  …: If it gets too tough, just think of me and feel better.  
>  707: Oh..  
>  707: I can’t stop thinking about you though,  
>  707: And that’s not good…

“God dammit Luciel.” He grunted, folding his fingers until his knuckles almost turned white. “Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!”

All that Luciel had to do was filter his words – pick the ones that were deemed appropriate by 707 ’s standards. Words that would not give away his true feelings because who gives a fuck about that? Luciel dis not deserve to even have the tiniest of feelings and most importantly, not for _her._

He shoots _her_ texts sometimes, giving himself quite a bit of taste of euphoria as he pretended that it was only him and _her_ that exists in the world. He pretends that all is well and he, the typical twenty something year old that he is, was just flirting with the girl that may or may have not feelings for. He pretends that each and every variable in the game called life were all in its perfect place. No, he pretends that those variables don’t even exist at all. He pretends that he, the typical twenty something year old that he is, was living a normal life.

 

> _707: Still~ not~ working~ Hey skull, hurry up and show me my pretty screen!!_  
>  707: I got bored and had to text you lololol We talked about hair salon earlier  
>  707: What hairstyle do you think would suit me? Broccoli hair? Bald?  
>  …: I like you with curly hair. Looks cute~  
>  707: OMG Critical hit on my heart!!!  
>  707: Damage 9999 … Use a recovery skill!  
>  707: I feel like CPR or a heart massage will only make it race faster,  
>  707: so go put on the spell~! Seven~ Seven~ Dead~ or~ alive~

Seven hated it. He hated it so much that he wished he could turn back time and take back everything that had been said. He hated Luciel, oh so stupid Luciel, the part of him that would blatantly destroy all the façade that he had created.  hates _her_ even more because _she_ was the reason why Luciel had been screaming inside him, fighting his hardest to come out and hope for _love_ that they both would never deserve. And sometimes, he gets really close. Too close.

 

> _707: Do you have any close friend you can give advice to like V and Jumin?_  
>  …: No but I want someone like that.  
>  707: You’re like me.  
>  707: You and me … No, not me.
> 
> _Please pick me. I want it to be me._
> 
> _707: I’m sure you can find someone like that. I’ll cheer for you._

“You’re too beautiful to be anything I can call mine.” He chuckled as he chewed on his lips, carefully placing his phone down atop the mess on his desk – stack of papers with names of important people and some international syndicates that nobody had heard of yet still equally dangerous. It reminded him of his life even more. “I am nothing but a mere cockroach.”

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is half of the chapter that was initially posted. I just forgot to cut the previous one so if you've read that, you don't have to read this one ^^. I will be updating really soon! hopefully by the end of the week ~ ♥

 “God… you’re such trouble. I was about to give you another lecture, but I thought I should at least tell you what the boss told me when I called him just now.” Seven’s supervisor, Agent Vanderwood, hovered behind him as if watching every single twitch of his muscle and watching every breath he had taken.

“The boss?” He put down the screwdriver he was using earlier. He had finished the robot cat he was working on anyway. His mind had been wandering to places he had never thought it could and frankly, he badly needed some sort of distraction.

“Yes. As you know, this client is someone in the high ranks who not many people can’t even reach. They are asking why things are getting so delayed. The whole agency can be put under pressure right now. If we delay things further, I’m not kidding, our lives might be in danger.” Vanderwood’s voice shook a little – a mere slip of the tongue from an extremely experienced assassin. It made Seven’s head throb.

Seven’s eyes involuntarily travelled over to the screen to his right, watching _her_ smile as she typed something on her phone. He thought Zen, the borderline lewd man that he is, was once again flirting with _her._ Maybe it was Yoosung, who _she_ is very fond of, was complaining, as per usual, about another failed exam. Or perhaps it was Jumin, sending _her_ endless pictures of his cat whilst making jokes that are so terrible, it would vehemently make her laugh in misery.

He thought perhaps Jumin was the perfect man for _her_ – powerful, rich and not living in filth like he was.  The perfect bachelor any girl could even dream of. He imagined _her_ holding Jumin’s hand, fingers laced with his as they built the perfect life together.

Luciel wanted to claw his eyes out.

“Are you listening to me right now? This is an ultimatum. If you don’t finish things by tomorrow, your personal safety will be put under threat. Understand?”

Vanderwood’s voice echoed in his head.

Seven sighed.

“I know… I know, but my… my head just can’t get around to that. What if the hacker gets to _her_ tomorrow…?” He mumbled, eyes still glued to the screen. _She_ had put her phone down and was just laying on the couch reading the book that Jaehee recommended her to read a couple of days ago – it was a basis for one of Zen’s previous musicals.

“Hey, is your feeling more important, or your life?!”

“You don’t understand…” Of course he doesn’t. He would never/ They were trained not to yet Luciel, oh so stupid Luciel, had always been weak. Too weak to even control his own feelings. Too weak to even protect the people he loved. “You don’t know how anxious I am.”

“Do you have feelings for that girl?” Vanderwood’s voice was stern and laced with malice. His supervisor was not playing games with him anymore. They more that so often act like buddies, and Seven might have tricked his supervisor into cleaning his house multiple times but Vanderwood was technically still his superior and he was very much aware of the things his boss was capable of doing.

It was a threat. He perfectly knew it was as and it made droplets of sweat form on Luciel’s forehead, clammy hands balled into a fist as force his eyes to switch back to the screen his left, black screen littered with white and green texts translating algorithms of one of the biggest security system in the whole nation.

“It’s not like that. I just want to help her be safe where she is. She’s…” Seven paused. “important to me.”

“Did I hear something wrong? Important to you?” Vanderwoods’s calloused hand was already resting on his shoulder, too close to his carotid artery. “Don’t go there. You haven’t forgotten that we don’t deserve to develop relationships, have you?” His supervisor even chuckled. “You can’t be responsible for her if she gets in danger because you involved her in your life.” His words were repetitive. They felt almost choreographed. It wasn’t the first time Seven had heard those words. “If you end up getting a new identity after a big project, then you’ll be forced to never see her again. And if you make a mistake in one of your missions, I’ve seen several clients harm the _important one_ just for revenge.” He even added, voice laced with his thick English accent. “You know how filthy this field is.”

“I know! I know!”

“If you do, then don’t be an amateur.” Vanderwood’s hand was now atop his head, slightly yet painfully, pulling on his fire red hair. “The minute you have something to lose, everyone you love will be in danger. We’re like a nameless time bomb. You have to make sure nothing is around so that less is harmed if you explode.” He felt a little tug on his scalp, quite harder than the last. “So just get rid of all your petty feelings and work. That’s the best thing you can do for that person.”

Seven did not know how to respond. There was no way he could outwit or conn his supervisor out this time for he was so right that Seven felt as if he was drowning in ice cold water, wishing that every single part of his body would just freeze so he would stop hurting.

“You’ve done well until now. Don’t mess things up.” He listened to how his supervisor’s steps echoed off the walls of his room. “Make sure that my next target is not you.”

Ironic because Luciel had continually reminded himself of what his real life is made of and none of those had been strong enough to stop his heart from beating.

“I wanna quit this job.” Were the first words that escaped his lips as soon as he felt his supervisor’s presence behind him, and he sounded so damn pathetic yet he couldn’t even remember the last time he had been that boldly sincere.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Vanderwood chuckled, quickly throwing his subordinates words into his collection of _stupid things Luciel says_. “This is the only place that will hide your identity.”

Luciel shut his eyes, fingers lightly tapping on his keyboard as he tried his hardest not to pay attention the girl walking back and forth the hallway with her phone and book in hand. _She_ looked exceptionally beautiful that day with her long brown hair tied up in a messy bun and her sun dress that reaches down just right above her knees. His thoughts started to wander, hues of blue and green with a tinge of yellow entering his mind as he imagined walking on a field under the bluest sky he had ever seen, dandelions sporadically scattered everywhere and _her_ standing right next to him with her oh so beautiful smile and her fingers laced with hers. He knew it was impossible but ever since _she_ came into his life he couldn’t help wonder _what if_.

He shook his head. He really did sound so damn pathetic. Who was he to even hope like that?

“Mahahabamitabul.”

“Hey… are you listening to me?” It was Vanderwood’s voice once again. He really sometimes hoped his supervisor would just disappear.

“Namuamitabul Hanshimbayabaramitdasi jokyon ohgo plzhelp.”

“Hey, are you chanting to Buddha right now? You’re catholic!”

Luciel sighed.

“I’m trying to concentrate right now. Leave me alone.” He could almost hear himself laugh inside his head. He’d been awfully honest that day. “Sariza sebisgood bullybead lifemathzhard.”

Vanderwood’s exasperated sigh sounded almost music n Luciel’s ears. Except it wasn’t because if you would ask him, he would tell you that _her_ voice was the most beautiful music he had ever listened to.

“… I’m gonna go out for a smoke so please get back to work.”

“Sariza followthelaw neverendinglife impobentnot… huh” He looked behind him, searching for any trace of his supervisor. “She left! I hate that he’s always watching me.”

His fingers danced on his worn out keyboard once more, minimizing window after window that he had used to hide the one he was most concerned about – the _RFA_ server. Everything seemed fine, even CCTV that was monitoring _her_ seemed to be okay and _she_ was now sitting on her favorite spot on the couch with her phone in her hand. He smiled as soon as _she_ looked up at the camera as if _she_ had known that he was watching _her_. It was only for a brief moment yet Luciel thought his heart was going to explode. It almost did when she smiled, but he had to stop himself. It was not the time for that. There will never be a time for time, not in his current lifetime.

“The special security system …” He whispered, shaking his head as he cleared his thoughts once more. “Huh…? The numbers seem to be different. Am I seeing wrong?” He clicks on another button. “The last log… was only a couple of hours ago. Last night it was restarted and reset… someone broke in two days ago…”

Realization started hitting him and he almost wanted to punch himself in face because how could he be so reckless? Someone had hacked, once again, into the system he created and this time the result could be a lot more severe than the last.

 _She’ll be in danger_ were the only words that kept popping up in his head. He needed to go and save _her_.

“I have something to do. Bye~” Luciel screamed as he drove away from his bunker, Vanderwood on his tail. His agency will definitely start hunting him down as soon as they can.

The organization had also been informed about the situation – the bomb that was supposed to serve as the last layer of security for Rika’s apartment where _she_ had been staying at and Luciel couldn’t believe how had he let the situation go this severe. All the members weren’t exactly pleased with the information they had just received that even the always so calm and collect Jaehee, couldn’t stay put. Even Jumin, the very presence that Luciel had been quite scared would take _her_ away concluded that he would drop everything he was doing and fly back home. Who wouldn’t though? They had just found out that the last layer of security in that apartment was actually a time bomb.

“Shitshitshitshitshitshit” were the only words that escaped Luciel’s lips as he sprinted towards Rika’s apartment after leaving his car in a random area far enough from his bunker and close enough to his destination. He felt as if time was going too fast yet he was going too slow. His legs felt as if they were burning from all the running and climbing up the stairs was not making it any better. His lungs felt as if they were going to fall out as he repeatedly pressed the doorbell as soon as he reached his destination.

“Seven!! Help me!!” _She_ screamed and Luciel’s vision turned black.

His fingers felt raw from repetitively pressing the buttons on the pin pad on the door. His whole body was shaking and his brain had already stopped working. Sweat was starting to pool on the back of his neck when he finally got the right combination and kicked the door open with all his might.

“The-the door is open?” An unfamiliar voice caught Luciel’s attention.

Luciel finally let go of the breath he barely knew he held.

“God, that was tough… I made it, but it’s so damn hard. How the hell did they complicate my already complicated algorithm?” He wasn’t boasting. He really wasn’t.

“Seven!! Save me!!”

“Shit! Why? Why are you here!? I thought I could finally put you in pain…!”

The _hacker_ , he assumed, was way too close to _her_ and Luciel wanted to just hit him straight in the face. How dare such a man like that even breathe the same air as _her._ Him and that man, they both live the lowest kind of life and just like him, that man does not have any right to even get that close to _her._

“You’re the hacker, right? Guess you’re not completely shameless since you’re covering yourself. You’re go to jail for breaking and entering like this.” He followed the trail of broken glass that lead to the kitchen. “Whoah! You broke the window.” He turned to _her_ and really, his heart would stop if not for the situation they were in yet despite that, he still couldn’t help but think of how beautiful _she_ was in person. “Be careful of the glass. You’ll get hurt if you step on it.”

A smile curved his lips before he turned his attention back to the _hacker_ and he was damn sure he would do anything to get that man’s filthy hands off of _her_.

“First, why don’t you let go of that lady over there?”

“Even now, all you do is ruin my life…”

He cocked his head. “Huh? You know me?”

“You probably don’t know. I’m sure you’ve long forgotten about me.”

Luciel would be lying if he said he had never been this lost his whole life but it was pretty damn close to the last time he did. He stared at the man in front of him and took in the other’s appearance – the man’s green eyes and silver hair – all seemed familiar yet he couldn’t place where he had seen those eyes before.

“You still don’t know?” The _hacker_ pulled the black cloth that was previously covering half of his face.

Luciel felt as if the whole universe came crushing down on him.

“No way…”

Tears started welling in his eyes, blurring his vision as he wished that everything in front of him – yes, everything, including _her_ – would just disappear. He wished everything was just another dream, another nightmare, another obnoxious reminded of the life he had ran away from and he would beg and plead over and over again just so he could wake up. His eyes fluttered close as he tried his hardest to stop his tears from falling, hoping that when he opens his eyes, everything would just dissipate, evaporate, disappear.

The _hacker_ ’s cackles rung in his ears and it nothing but painful. In another world, he would offer everything he had just to hear that laugh once more. In another world, in a world he had constantly wished he lived in, he would go to the ends of the world just so he could have even just smallest chance to hear that voice again. In his current world though, the filth infused world that he lived in, that voice should not even exist at all.

“I guess now you do.” The _hacker_ spoke, traces of amusement still laced with each word.

“Seven, what’s going on?” _Her_ voice still sounded like music yet the ringing in his ears had seemed to drown everything around him, or so he was wishing.

He could not even process a coherent response. How could he? When everything around him seemed to have fallen apart.

“Today must be my unlucky day to see you here.” Playful tone was still embedded in the _hacker’_ s voice and Luciel hated it so much. “It felt so good hacking your programs, but now it’s all back to square one.”

“What…” He mumbled, almost too close to a whisper and his voice, oh so broken. “What happened? Why are you… Why are you here?!”

Tears stained his cheeks.

“You… you’re Saeran, right?”

The _hacker_ ’s eyes were suddenly filled with anguish as his smirk quickly faded.

“Don’t call me that. You don’t deserve to say that name.”

Luciel would have argued differently yet he knew deep inside him that _he_ , Saeran, was nothing but right. He didn’t deserve to even say _his_ name.

“You’re the one who copied my algorithm…? God …” He could feel his nails digging into his palms as he balled his hand into a fist. “When did you learn to hack? Who taught you?”

“Shut up!!!”

“Why are you doing this?! Rika told me that you…”

“You…” Saeran spat, tightening the grip he had on _her_ arm, making her flinch in pain. He almost ran into her aid yet it seemed like he had lost control of his own body. “Don’t you dare say that name!”

“What?”

“Traitor! All the names you spit out will be contaminated, so shut up.”

“Saeran… why are you doing this now? Tell me! Something bad happened, right? That’s why you’re here? But Rika would never have lied to me…!”

“You’re the one lying. I can tell. Don’t pretend you don’t know.”

The sound of Saeran’s cackles filled his ears once more and this time, louder, more obnoxious it made his whole body shiver. He would laugh too, really, at his own naivety yet it was the only way he could hold himself together. Everything he had known to believe rapidly came crashing down on him and the only way for him to not fall with it was to hold on to the very little hope he had forgotten he even had.

“That promise about protecting me, about being together, all lies… even your last promise when you told me that we will be happy after escaping that hellish place was a lie.” Saeran’s voice cracked. It sounded so raw. “I know that you changed your name to Luciel to get rid of me.”

_No. That’s not true. Take that back. That is not true. I couldn’t have … I wouldn’t…_

“Don’t tell me you don’t remember.”

“That…” He chewed his lips, a hint of copper obnoxiously dancing on his taste bud. “I had no choice! It’s all too much to explain now..”

Saeran was right. He was a traitor.

“Shut up! Eat those pathetic lies of yours!”

There was nothing else he could have said. Saeran was right, and once again, he was wrong. Everything in his life had been wrong even before he was conceived. It was nothing but pathetic to even think about having a life, albeit temporary, in the outside world.

Luciel shook his head. That was no time to wallow in his self-pity. _She_ was still in danger.

“First… let her go, and then let’s talk? Please? Let’s take care of this together… You hate me right now, right? She has nothing to do with this.?”

“You’re getting this wrong.” Saeran clicked his tongue as another smirk grazed his lips, green eyes travelling to _her_ direction. “You have feelings for this girl right? Too bad. I brought her here, so she’s mine.” Saeran’s fingers dug into _her_ skin even harder. “So I can just do whatever I want to this girl to make you suffer, right?”

Luciel’s eyes locked with _hers_. He knew _she_ was hurting yet _her_ eyes were still filled with warmth. It was as if _she_ was reminding him that everything would be ok, that beyond everything that had happened _she_ would be there by his side.

“Even if I do have feelings for _her_ , it’s useless…”

 _Her_ eyes darkened as soon his words emanated from his lips and he hated it. He hated it so much and he would take them back if his brain just wasn’t screaming that it was the right thing to do. He could almost see tears filling her brown eyes that were still glued on him, as if searching for something he knew he could never give.

It was quite ironic to think that all he wanted was to protect _her_ yet he ended up hurting _her_ the most.

“Seven!!!” _She_ screamed, voice cracked and raw from keeping _her_ tears from falling. “I love you!!”

And Luciel’s world stopped spinning. _Her_ words sounded so beautiful yet so heartbreaking. _Her_ whole heart, summed up in three words Luciel had only dreamed of _her_ saying – just three words that was more than enough to engulf his whole façade with the same exact warmth he had been running away from, warmth that could never deserve. He could almost hear his heart drumming in his chest and he would jump for joy if only he couldn’t hear the faint sound of _her_ heart breaking from where she was standing.

“Love? You people are pathetic.”

As if on cue, the apartment’s alarm started blaring – signifying that a stranger had been detected and the bomb that was planted in the building was about to explode. Saeran left almost as fast as he took down Luciel’s defenses.

And if reality really wasn’t as much of an asshole to Luciel – he was left alone with _her._

“I love you.” _She_ repeated, much more earnest than the first yet so soft. _Her_ words were unsure yet full of emotions. And _her_ voice, god _her_ voice, was sending electricity down his spine, making his thoughts buzz.

 _She_ was pleading.

“I’m sorry.”

Rain started pouring.


	3. Chapter 3

Luciel has tried to push _her_ away. Heaven knows how hard he had tried yet whenever _she_ would try to hide _her_ pain with _her_ oh so beautiful smile, with every unshed tear that she would conceal with her endless apologies was making him feel as if all the walls he had created around him was quickly crumbling. It was almost as if all the years he had spent rebuilding himself were all going to waste every second he spent with _her_.

 _She_ should be mad at him for putting _her_ life in danger, for preventing _her_ from living a normal life, for breaking _her._ Why wasn’t _she_ angry with him? Because if you would ask Luciel, he was so angry at himself that he would give everything he got just so he could turn back time and make sure that _she_ doesn’t end up in the RFA chatroom ever again. _She_ was too precious to even breathe the same air as him.

“Seven~ Are you okay not eating anything?”

 _Her_ voice still sounded like music to his ears and he almost blushed when his codename fluidly escaped _her_ lips yet he had continually reminded himself that it was not his place to even like that. Hell, it was not even his place to reject _her_ at all but he knew that if he didn’t stop then, _she_ would just keep falling deeply into the abyss that he was.

Luciel pretended he didn’t hear _her_ yet his eyes were following every _her_ every single move, and really, he almost jumped and hugged _her_ as he watched _her_ smile slowly fell into a frown. He did though, question himself how beautiful _her_ smile could have been if he had paid more attention to her.

“Huh? What is this…? Do I put in the computer…?” _She_ mumbled and Luciel would have just ignored _her_ once more if he just didn’t notice the book that were in _her_ hands.

Luciel ran towards _her,_ grabbed the book from _her_ delicate hands, hovered behind _her_ and shit, he was too close he felt as if his heart was going to jump out of his chest. The way _her_ eyes widen in surprise, _her_ lashes fluttered, and _her_ lips trembled were as if teasing Luciel to take the dip and that perhaps the paradise that was _her_ was almost tickling his fingertips.

Static echoed from his headphones, waking him from his trance. Really, how dare he even think of such thing?

“What are you doing right now? God…” He grunted as he took a step back. _She_ was too close and he felt as if he couldn’t breathe. “I don’t know if you’re just light-hearted or dumb.”

“I’m-“

He couldn’t let _her_ finish. He knew _she_ was just going to apologize again and Luciel cannot have any of that.

Hearing _her_ voice would just break his wall even more. So he decided to just keep breaking _her_ heart instead.

“Please listen to what I have to say. You don’t have to be nice to me. You can ignore me, avoid me, even get mad at me but don’t ever get curious about what I do or the things I’ve brought. People who get curious without knowing anything, just thinking it’ll be alright.” He sighed as he watched tears started welling her eyes. He felt his heart ache. “Really makes me tired.”

 “I just want to get close to you… is that wrong?” _Her_ voice shook. Luciel wanted to cage _her_ in his arms.

“That’s strange. I don’t want to get close to you at all but why do you think so? I’ve already told you. We can’t be family or friends.” He tasted copper in his mouth. He had bit his tongue too hard. “I don’t care whatever happens as long as you are safe, normal, and alive. No matter how much you try to get to know me, it’s useless.” He looked away, as if hos golden eyes were seeking for the darkness he had been holding on to. “The ending is already set for us.”

Rain started pouring once more. Luciel almost ran towards it.

“You’re not even giving me a chance to become close to you…? I feel …”

Luciel knew how _she_ felt and if just could, he would take all those feelings away and hold _her_ until the rain subsided. Except he couldn’t and all he could do was watch _her_ get drenched.

“That chance… don’t waste something like that on a guy like me.” He started walking back towards his endless abyss. “If you really care for me and want to help, don’t pay me any attention and just stay far away from me.”

The door to the bedroom was slammed shut and Luciel finally let go of the breath he had been holding – it sounded almost too close to a sob. Perhaps it was because the rain was still falling and droplets started staining his cheeks.

Luciel thought he was dangerous yet so was _she_.

V, the person he had full trusted yet also the very same reason why, the once he thought he had fully calculated world, was falling apart finally showed up and had once again, repeatedly shook his already crumbling wall. V was supposed to be his savior yet how come all he brought Luciel was nothing but broken promises and his resolve that was just as equally damaged as everything else around him?

 

 

> _V: Whatever you’re misunderstanding … I’ll go and take care of everything_  
>  _707: In that ‘everything’ you just mentioned_  
>  _707: is **Saeran** included there?_  
>  _V: Why are you suddenly bringing up that name?_  
>  _707: Don’t pretend like you didn’t know._  
>  _707: Do you know where Saeran is and what he’s doing right now?_  
>  _V: That’s…_  
>  _V: We decided not to talk about that._  
>  _V: Don’t be like this here._  
>  _707: Don’t run away and say it here._

“So that I can trust you again.” He murmured, voice laced with pleading because V was all he had left and he couldn’t afford to lose faith in very person that he had synonymously seen salvation as. Luciel was already on the brink of losing his mind and frankly, he had lost all his reasons to hold on to his sanity.

 

 

> _707: Why is that boy,_  
>  _707: Why is he doing it,_  
>  _707: When you were supposed to protect him?!?!_  
>  _707: Tell me, V._  
>  _707: **Explain.**_  
>  _707: Say anything so that …_  
>  _707: I can trust you again…_  
>  _707: And get Saeran back…_

“Please.” His voice raw and infused with unshed tears. He wanted everything to just stop so that he could pretend that he was okay once more, so that he could just go back to the quirky and laid back Agent 707 that paid no care about the world around him.

 

 

> _V: Luciel,_  
>  _V: I don’t have_  
>  _V: A good service right now._  
>  _V: Later I’ll…_  
>  **_ V has left the chatroom._ **

Luciel screamed until his throat burned, nails digging into his palms as he tried his hardest not to cry. His eyes, red and clouded with unshed tears, travelled to the door across the hall. He would really love to hear music right at that moment. He would really love to feel _her_ arms around him and hear _her_ whisper comfort to his ear. He would really love to love _her_ then yet he knew that if he did, _she_ would just crumble with him and oh so damaged world.

“God Sevem, God Seven! I sense you are depressed.” A tiny robotic voice that almost resembled _hers_ echoed in Luciel’s ear. He had almost forgotten about that stupid cat he built.

_Oh god, not right now._

“I automatically turn on when I sense that you are depressed meow. The source of God Seven’s depression I bad service meow. I analyzed meow.”

“Shut up!”

“Cheer up meow! Me, Meowy does not lose service, meow!”

Luciel eyed the little machine, pretending he could shoot laser with his eyes before heaving a frustrated sigh. All it did was look back at him with its stupid big, blue eyes as if seeking for something inside of him.

“Be quiet… How did I turn this off? Damn…”

“Need explaining meow!” The robot squirmed in his hands as he fiddled with its paws, looking for the reset button.

“I said shut up!”

“That robot… you made it then.”

Luciel wanted to scream once more. Why wouldn’t _she_ just leave him alone with dark thoughts and empty heart?

“Don’t worry about it.” He put the robot down on the floor and nudged it with his foot. “Hey robot cat, go away. I don’t want to talk to you so just go to a corner.” His eyes were fixed on the cat yet they both knew that his words were directed to _her_.

“I can’t leave once I sense depression meow! Cheer up meow!”

 _She_ walked towards him and Luciel thought he was going to melt. The lump his throat was preventing him breathing as he tried to zone out the sound his rapidly beating heart. His whole being was still filled with anger yet he couldn’t help but feel lighter with each step _she_ took towards him.

“Meowy, let’s stay quiet fir now~~” _She_ bent down and patted the robot.

“That’s a voice I have to absolutely obey meow…” The cat slowly started closing its eyes. “That is how I’m programmed so system will shut down meow…! Shhhhh….”

“Finally it’s quiet.”

Luciel’s eyes were already focused on the screen of his laptop, pretending as if his heart didn’t skip when he felt one side of the couch dip as _she_ sat down almost too close to him.

“Things didn’t seem to go well with V…” _Her_ voice sounded unsure yet still nothing but incredible. “Are you okay?”

Sometimes, _she_ could be so naïve and Luciel hated it. He hated it so much because if not for _her_ naivety, _she_ wouldn’t have downloaded a random app, _she_ wouldn’t have been in this whole predicament, _she_ would not have met him and Luciel would not have fallen so deeply in love with her.

“Whatever happens …” He paused when he saw her lips curved as soon as he spoke. “Don’t trust V.”

 _She_ bit _her_ lips and oh god, it took almost all of Luciel’s might to not jump and smother _her_.

“I don’t really know about V but I trust him. Can’t we all just be friends?”

Luciel rested his head on the couch, gaze fixed on the ceiling as his memories jogged back to when Rika was still alive and every single variable in his life was in its rightful place. He thought about the time when V and Rika were still his savior and RFA was nothing quite dysfunctional yet so loving escape that he would run to whenever he would get tired of living as Agent 707. It felt as if it was so long ago and he would go back in a heartbeat if he just didn’t know that if he did, then _she_ would not be the reason why his world was still spinning.

“I feel like I should shut down instead of that cat.” He murmured. “You’re free to think what you want … but don’t care about me.” His eyes fluttered close. “From now on, I think you should forget everything related to RFA. Forget about the party. And as soon as the hacker issue is resolved…” He chewed his lips once more. “Please leave.”

“Why are you deciding my future?!” _She_ got up, tears stained eyes fixed on Luciel, voice shaking.

“I’m telling you this because I know much more than you do. You are free to do whatever you want but my thoughts will not change. Even if you try to get involved with me, I will refuse everything. This is nothing for a person like you to be involved in… you’ll only end up getting hurt.”

Luciel’s hands were shaking as he listened to _her_ stifled sobs. He had made it rain again and it just as awful as the first time.

“From now on, if I have to tell you anything concerning your safety, I’ll do it through the messenger. I’m going to work. Don’t bother me.”

He was about to put his headphones back on when _she_ snatched his hand and held it in _hers._ Luciel wanted to run away once more.

“You’re being too one sided.” Rain would not stop falling and he felt as if he was drowning when _her_ eyes met his. “Then what do I do about my feelings for you?”

Luciel pushed _her_ away with his free hand, skin still burning from _her_ touch.

“I told you not to bother me!” He started pacing. He needed to something to calm his nerves. “Think about the fact that you’re living with a bomb right now. You’re already in danger because of me and the RFA. There’s no guarantee that something more dangerous won’t happen in the future! And your chances of being in danger will multiply with being with a guy like me.” His eyes met with _her_ s once more and Luciel thought how could someone so drenched could look so beautiful – his resolve almost crumbled. “Do you understand? If you get in danger again then I’ll… ugh!” His hands were already tangled with his red hair, pulling on the strands as he thought of what he would do if something happened to _her._

“Seven, I know that you’re worried about me … but please don’t avoid me.”

“Stop wasting your emotions on me.” He said before walking out of the apartment.

Luciel stared at _her_ pleading eyes and the obnoxious bastard that he was couldn’t do anything but laugh. He laughed so hard until his throat felt raw and painful, until his mind was hazy and his thoughts lost into space. He laughed until he couldn’t feel anything but pain because he was nothing but a cockroach and pain was all he deserved.

**Author's Note:**

> This is currently my biggest project so I'm kind of walking on thin ice but I will try! I'm also planning on reposting this story under another fandom in the future for that was my original plan so please don't freak out if you see the same story someplace else.


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